Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Happy Halloween!!!

by chinwhat at 8:11 PM


Okay, so I'm on deck with handing out candy again this year. Here's a slice of some fun i got into:


Two guys come by. One has some fake blood on his face and neither of them have a costume on. Here we go...
Me: “Hey guys.” >grabs one piece of candy< “what're you supposed to be?” I say to the plain guy.
His friend: “He doesn't want to be anything” >drops candy into his bag<
Me: “Really? That's too bad. I guess you don't like candy neither”
Plain guy: “...”
>they walk away<
That's right, son!


Another group of kids too cool to dress up come by.
Me: “What're you supposed to be?”
Them: “uhhh...”
Me: “Too slow homies. You gotta come stronger than that! It's Halloween. You want candy, you gotta dress up”
>they walk away confused<


Next group:
Me: “What're you supposed to be?”
#1 (had a bandana around his neck): “uh, a gangsta!”
Me: “What're you supposed to be?”
#2 (in a Zorro mask): “Zorro!”
Me: “alright, that's a good Zorro. Here, two for you!” (to #3) “and what're you supposed to be?”
#3 (also w/bandana around his neck) “gangsta!”
Me: “Oh yeah? Am *I* 'gangsta?'”
#1: “uh.... yeah...”
Me: “Good answer. You know how much candy gangsta's give out? None! Thanks for coming” >closes door<


Two guys w/bandanas over their mouths
Me: “Let me guess... gangsters?”
#1: “Yeah” >holds out garbage bag<
Me: “Hey, you guys were just here!”
#1: “Nooo! It was some other guys. Over there!” >points down the street<
Me: “Oh... well you should ask them how much candy I gave them. Can you guess how much?”
#1: “Lots?”
Me: >holds up 'okay' sign< “Nope. Sorry kids. This ain't free candy for nothing day. You gotta dress up!”


Another two chumps come by...
Me: “What're you supposed to be?”
#1: “Human”
Me: >stares at him and shakes head<
#1: >walks away<


Scoreboard
Chin: 9
Kids too cool to dress up: 0

But for those who're thinking I'm a bad guy for not giving these punks any candy, I offer you this: some little fat kid in his Kung Fu suit came by and I gave him an Oh Henry. He looked in his bag after I dropped it and I said “what, you don't like it?” “I'm allergic to peanuts” he answers. “Oh, well have three of these ones” >drops three Caramilks<

Or how about all the “extra” candies I gave to young young kids who had no business eating candy (read 2 year olds and younger) since I knew Mom and Dad would be “inspecting” the treats later on... yeah, I got quite a few of those.

Monday, October 30, 2006

IT'S TUCKED INTO MY SOCKS!!!

by chinwhat at 9:53 PM
My sister bought me season one of The Cosby Show last year and when I saw that episode, I knew that's the shirt I'd use for my costume.



A total of five days of (trying to) sew and I end up with this, tada!


It's a Gordon Gartrell -errrrrrrr Ichi Yamarata shirt. Since I don't know how to sew, I was up against the wall and was finishing it up until Saturday night.

After going to a little house party, I met up with Shaun, Chris, George and Kelly downtown. Unfortunately, we skipped out on Tangerine (damn you Shaun. There were “combien” there and they had Jeru on!) and began walking around the club district at 1:00 am. Ghetto Shaun! We wound up at Level and I had this really fucked up exchange with some kids in line:

They asked what i was supposed to be. I stretched out my arms to make it even more obvious.

Them: >blank stares<

Okay, so i give them hints: "1980's.... Sitcom... Black family..."

One of them: "Michael Jackson?"

WTF??? More clues: "uh, no... dad's a doctor, mom's a lawyer?? ... five kids... four girls, one boy.... anyone?"

"Gary Coleman?"

Slaps forehed. Gary Coleman? Are these kids fucking retarded? "Gordon Gartrell? Theo Huxtable?" Nothing, they got nothing! Blank stares on their faces. I think they were 19 - 20ish. I swear, sometimes... stupid kids... aint you ever watched a TV before??@!

>slaps knee< Hahhaha!

by chinwhat at 11:09 AM

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Blood on the Keyboard

by chinwhat at 11:00 PM

Okay, so today is Tuesday. Exactly one week until Halloween. But I need a costume for the weekend. That's when the skankalicousness rating is through the roof! So I only have a few more days and looking at what I've done so far – or in this case, what I haven't – I am soooooooooo fucked!

I knew exactly what I wanted to do over a year ago, but I only started a couple of nights ago. Damn, it feels like I'm up against the clock for an assignment back in my school daze! The fact that I'm sewing everything by hand doesn't help either. I'm in desperate need of a sewing machine. And quick! Especially for my finger's sake! That little thimble that comes with Monopoly doesn't fit quite right.

But if I am able to pull it off, oh snap, it'll be the bestest costume I've ever made... EVER!!! I can't wait to go hit random costume party and/or club downtown. Jay, we still down for Tangerine?? Anyone else coming with?

What're you all dressing up as? (And don't say “nothing” cuz that shit's lame!!!)

Monday, October 23, 2006

You Call *This* FanFest?

by chinwhat at 10:14 PM
Yesterday was The Raptors annual open practice at the Air Canada Centre... or so I thought. The story goes like this, I head down to the ACC with my sister and cousin to check out what I thought would be a little practice session.* Instead, we get an hour of three point contest and that weird 2Ball thing from the All-Star game called Reach for the Stars. Sure they had a little presentation where they gave all the rookies Sponge Bob back packs, made them sing O Canada (quite horribly) and made them dance down a Soul Train Line. THIS is what I get for waiting in line outside for 45 minutes?

GTFOOHWTBS!!!

FanFest? It's more like CrapFest! That and 1) coach Mitchell's side burns are wack, 2) Chris Bosh's skin is finally clearing up (“Someone is using Pro Active” © Beth), 3) I soooooooooooooo want a black Raptors warm up shirt. They're so ill! 4) This year, the Raptors Dance Pack is all blondies (which surely the rainman twins Chris and Shaun approve of. But for me, the others check in as one black dancer, one brown and one asian)



* By the by, tonight on Raptors TV, they have Toronto's open practice. Coach Mitchell's souther drawl is so awesome when he's cutting up his players!

Sunday, October 22, 2006

HB ai!

by chinwhat at 9:50 PM

Too bad you pulled a Jon and sold out of your own birthday celebration, but >meh< we’ve come to expect that from you. Actually, we’d be more surprised if you showed up for anything anymore.

At any rate, we still had fun. Hitting up good ol’ Tremendous, drinking Korean aloe drink (aka kimchi water) + vodka, playing some drunk Tetris and watching the PreDater starring A. Schwarzenegger always equals good times.

And now you allegedly bought a DS, we can have four person Tetris. But since you suck at video games ai (we put it to a vote), you’ll always be the forever Tetris Bridesmaid: never winning, always coming in second place (at best)

But still, I gotta give it up: to my dearest ai, Happy Birthday from, as your mom likes to say, your “homo friend, Chin"

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Let Me Talk to You/My Love

by chinwhat at 10:15 PM
Okay, I could lie (which hardly never do) and say that I was casually watching Justin Tiberlake’s new video a couple of times but hey, that wouldn’t be true. In actuality, I’ve been studying it! Over and over and over again*. Shit is mad fiyah! The dancing is hot! I like the little MJ tributes they have in there (even a little move from David Elsewhere - more below). The part where he’s ripping off the video ho’s stalkings is also hot, but in an unnecessary way. Also, the “My loooooove” dance is funny. If you look at them from the waist up, it looks like they’re tap dancing… which is what they’re trying to make it look like, right?? The CG is pretty useless. The song itself is alright at best. Chorus is ass. Beat is hot. Lyrics would be good except for the one line that doesn’t fit: "If I called you beautiful, would you date me on the regular?" Uh, what? The rest of the song has normal R&B lyrics, but this one had that little “twang” in it to keep his street cred on the level. Gah? Exactly! And TI was >meh< Anyways, overall it’s a good video. Good enough for me to practice practice practice (in my room) until I get the routine down.



*But no where near as many times I’ve watched that robot dance competition video starring David “Elsewhere” Bernal. The total would be countless times, I think. Countless! I’ve watched that clip so many times, but I *STILL* for the life of me, can’t figure out how he does the strobe light effect. Remember when he was in You Got Served? Oh snap, son! He was also in this VW commercial which overall, is really fucking good.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Bricks of Shit

by chinwhat at 8:41 PM
Late last week, there were rumors that some crazy shit was supposed to go down this Wednesday and Thursday. Today, we found out those rumors were true. Mad people were laid off! I heard about it on Monday at ball, then got confirmation about it last night.

I came in this morning a saw that the morning security guard was still around – he should've been gone by then – and our afternoon security guard was in as well. In other words, some extra muscle to escort the unlucky ones who'd get cut.

For the next couple hours groups of two or three or four would be sent to one of the presentation rooms where they'd receive the bad news. Half way through, I went on a Timmy's run. On my way out, I passed by one of the chemistry lab managers who were leading three of her employees to one of the rooms. Oh snap, the sadness and disappointment on their faces... man, I can't even describe it! Looking down and shit. When we got back from Tim's we saw another lady crying in the foyer area – and we all know how I get when ladies cry, oy!!!

But one thing that really sucks is not being able to say good bye to those who left. One of the admin assistants who was let go was *really* cool. She spoke her mind. One of those 'straight up' types. I remember once when I first started, I goofed by sending something “inappropriate” to her boss, a director. She thought it was really funny and let me know that shit was cool...

Then I realized, it doesn't matter that I have my farewell email in my Outbox ready to send. Between the time I get the bad news then back to my desk, “zip!” my accounts been locked! Unable to delete all my personal emails, pictures, notes and music.

In fact, I thought my number was done today. I was working by myself in the telecom room and I heard the door unlock. The door opens up and my boss walks in. But see, my boss never has to go in there so I figure I'm up next on the chopping block. I swear my heart skipped a beat or three. I haven't been that shook in a long time! Luckily (for now) that's not the case. But what'll happen tomorrow? We'll see... there was a lot of standing around and talking. I could see it on everyone's face, worried and nervous. All I know is that hardly got any work done by ANY department today and tomorrow will probably be the same.

And as bad as I feel, its no where near as bad as HR feels. I'm down with one of the HR gals and we usually shoot the shit whenever we pass each other in the hall. Today she was just >head nod< Damn! How fucked is their job? "Hi, unfortunately you're out of a gig. We can't give you anymore money, too bad about your kids and your mortgage. Thanks for coming out" repeat times twenty. Fuuuuuuuuuuck! If i was them, I'd be at the local Firkin gassing it up on some "barkeep, this glass ain't gonn fill up on it's own!"

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

@ Work: It All Started With a Little Yellow PostIt Note… Part 2

by chinwhat at 8:25 PM
>in TV land voice over< Previously on my blog

I’ve had this idea for revenge brewing in my head for a while:

I decided to construct a house out of my co-workers cubicle. His spot was almost a perfect square. Easy enough to create a roof out of cardboard then barricade his entrance with a door of some sort…

I walk about work a lot and I found this little door up in the Engineering Meeting Room back in February. The type of door one of those creepy munchkins from Willy Wonka would use. It’s very Being John Malkovich-esque. I made sure I kept note of where it was until I needed it one day…

I knew I wanted to have everything completed the day before he was on vacation so that he would be away while everyone admired my work. That way, when he returned, everyone would ask him how he liked it etc (hopefully increasing the annoyance factor)

Once I found out when his next day off would be, I began collecting the boxes that the 8.5 x 11 sheets of paper and computers came in. I was secretly hording them in one of our IT rooms which my co-worker hardly visits. Almost one months worth (*WAY* more than pictured)!

At the same time, I began working on my calculations. The Pythagorean Theory was my friend!
He was off on Monday so I began construction on Friday after work. Once everyone had gone home for the day, I turned up the reggae and pulled out all my tools and materials. Scissors, box cutters, packing tape and piles and piles of cardboard boxes.

First things first: tape up all the boxes so I’ll have a large piece to make one triangles for the roof. Easy, right? Wrong! Unfortunately, the cardboard I was using was of low and flimsy quality and I knew that the raised roof idea wasn’t going to happen.

Oh well. So I decided to downgrade to a flat style roof and just seal off his whole cubicle. Again, the crappy cardboard stalk was very weak and it began to sag in the middle. I even tried to create a support in the middle by stacking empty boxes on his chair. This caused an uneven look. It was very shanty town looking. Then my shamity/paranoia kicked in: what if some director saw it and didn’t like it? Even worse, what if a client saw it? If everything looked polished and clean, I think it would’ve been okay, but since it didn’t, I ix nayed the idea.


>sigh< so I settled on just sealing up his entrance with the half door I found. I printed out a picture of his face and stuck it to the window, added my “Please Keep This Door Closed” sign I found and changed his name tag to “Mr. D’s Office”


Overall, it got good reviews from everyone. My boss was amused even though he said that I “have too much time on my hands.” Everyone was impressed with the door, too! But I was really disappointed at how short I fell from my goal. By then, my ideas included one of those locks pads that held house keys. Yknow, the ones real estate agents have where they attach them to the front door? I also decided that I wanted to stick up a “For Sale” sign as well as a “Sold” sign to go on top. I was even going to make one of those fact sheets that homes for sale have. The ones that list furniture included, square footage, etc.

When he came in today, he seemed to think it was cool. He even said that he crawled through the door this morning. I should’ve came in early and sat in his cubicle with a camera. Ah well…

Oh, and he also mentioned that our bosses boss wasn’t impressed when he saw it. Now we weren’t sure if he was mad because of people goofing around (he doesn’t know that I did it) or just mad that someone’s messing with his boys (aka us). Hopefully it’s the latter.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Epic

by chinwhat at 8:07 PM

Congratulations to Heather and Marvin (no, not pictured). The wedding was fun. Too bad for ai/Alison who sold out. Not be all Shaun-esque, but “you missed out” Why? Well…

- Open bar - What would a wedding be without an open bar? A less fun one, that’s what! There’s nothing better the celebrating than with a drink (or three) in hand…

- Mad Goetz people – Sure, I miscalled the Larissa H. (drool) sighting, but still, there were a lot of Gators representing. FMG4Life!












- Al’s Speech – Epic! Dispite Jon hating on your speech, I’d have to say that’s the best speech I’ve heard at a wedding. Even though you looked (and probably were) drunk as fuck, you set a new bar, Al. >stands up and applauses< The good thing is we all have an opportunity to see if we can be beat the mark that was set this past weekend.

- Younguns – A little tip for the gents: if you see a pretty young thing that looks a little bit too young, she’s probably a LOT younger than that. Sure, she has a akaholic drink in her lovely hand, but she's probably young enough to date my cousin who's in grade 11. Yelsh!










- New Pact! - The Wedding Pact has been formed. Not exactly sure what the rules and stipulations are, but I think it means that Jon, Chris, Shaun and I agree that we're all going to get married... not to each other. NOTE: everyone has their left hand up except for me. I have my right hand up. Why? Because i anticipate marrying brown and apparently, that's the wedding finger brown folk use.

- The most beautifullest - It may have been the akahol, but I pretty much saw the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. She was wearing black and Filipina. Sure, that narrowed it down to 20something guests, but I’m just saying. Marvin/Al, hook a brother up!

- Violation! – I’m not to big on “rules” but I am big on punkage! And as such, I’m calling Shaun. Mr. Goa, you are NOT supposed to try and chop your friend’s baby sister. The acts that were witnessed last night are illegal! Any and all punkage you receive from your behavior is warranted. Sorry, if you ever got with her and Alain came to kill you… I’m your friend and all, but my hands are tied! Sorry Shaun. The funny thing is that the courts would agree with me. It’s called Universal law. Smarten up!












- Proof – Documented proof that Cathy was born in the Philippines! Me & the "Inoculation" mark!

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Civilian Gear

by chinwhat at 9:35 PM
Every October is United Way month. There are a bunch of different fund raisers held to uh… raise funds. >cough< >cough<

There's the annual CNTower Climb. (who’s coming with me? C’mon, don’t puss out!)

Another is the Rouge Party (which I hear is really good) It’s going to be at the fancy fancy Dominion Club. I want to go. Only $20 to get in. I want to dress up! It’ll be fun!

My work also does its part. They hold a bunch of raffles (turkey, vacation days, Argo duckets etc). One thing that they also do is civies day every Friday. And just like back in the day in highschool, everyone gets excited… well, at least I do. Sure I don’t mind wearing office scrubs, but once in a while, I’d rather roll into work wearing whatever I want.

Unfortunately, my shamity level is high enough where I won’t stroll in wearing Tim’s with no laces, XXL jeans hanging of my ass and a skully under my fitted cap cocked to the side. Instead, I’ve decided it’d be funny if I wore my MSOffice shirt. Yeah, this is what I’m wearing tomorrow.


True, i wish I could keep it gully, but instead, I'll be keeping it L337. Sorry Al, didn’t mean to ruffle your feathers there, but if I could get my hands on an Open Office shirt, you know I’d rock that. (fuck you Shaun, I've tried MSOffice 2K7 and i looks like OpenOffice 2.0.3 is the way to go!)

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

It Was Just a Matter of Time…

by chinwhat at 9:48 PM
Friday was vacation day thanks to TeamID’s trip to The Windy City. But at work, that still mean work… kinda. See, I’ve been having a lot of fun at my place of employment. Whenever someone was away sick or on vacation, I’d help kick up a little mischief. Decorate someone’s office with “Congratulations, you’re pregnant” propaganda and signing her up for baby news letters. Or taking another person’s shoes and hiding them throughout the corners of our facility with riddles on who should have them. Yknow, fun stuff like that. So I knew pay back was coming. I came back to work on Tuesday expecting something and sho ‘nuff:


Kudos! A bunch of ladies and gents upstairs took one of the protective space suits our company uses and filled it up to make my twin! What I’m most impressed with is the attention to detail! The Jacob watch! The addition of the long bangs I used to get ragged about. My rubber band bracelet. My blue security tag string thingy with a *VERY* realistic security card. My very own personalized suit. The pencil on my ear. And bonus points going to the KRS-One picture. Laugh! Good times! >gets all teary eyed< Even the site director stopped by and gave it props!

What’s also funny is hearing stories from security guards and other people who worked on the weekend. See, this was made on Friday and they stuck it in my chair and left it there. My area was dark and people would freak out when they saw someone just sitting at my desk! Hahaha! There are still people who get a little shook by it since I keep it in the chair by my cubicle entrance - myself included. On Tuesday, I kept forgetting I had it there and he/it would surprise me!

Anyways, I think I’m going to keep it for a bit. Too much effort and love (awww) has been put into it. Plus Halloween is coming up and I figure it’ll be the gift that keeps on giving >Googles Linda Blair faces<

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

From the Office of The Duke of Rosemont, Illinois

by chinwhat at 8:07 PM
Hey babies! Here are some* of the pics from ChiTown. The rest can be downloaded right hrrr (.zip file).

Bonus: Franky S’ Love and Marriage. I don’t have a pic of the fountain, so you fuckers better send me them shits!

Anyways, best part of the trip was Alison melting down. Whoa!! You okay Alison? Didn’t know anyone could be any quieter than Chris (op) but then again, i never figured you could out eat me neither!


*damn you Flickr and your monthly upload limit!

Monday, October 02, 2006

Almost Famous

by chinwhat at 10:29 PM
Alison hips me to one of her Toronto blogs which she reads on the daily. They have a post which mentions my blog! Sure, they punk me in it, but I find it pretty funny. Now i've never heard of it before, but obviously, it's a great one. Ah, what a great ego boost! and no wonder i had so many hits today! hahaha

Laugh, i'm such a retard!

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Sleepless Night

by chinwhat at 8:18 PM
Last night was Toronto’s first Nuit Blanche and I was excited to go! First off, we hit up Baldwin Street for some din din and to check out the neon lights in the buildings. They had cutesy sayings like "Be My Teddy Bear" and stuff. It was alright I guess…


Next we went into the AGO. The Andy Warhol exhibit cost extra money, but the room with stereo systems were free. They kept repeating stuff which reminded me of that free jazz track of The Beatles’ White album. “Number 9. Number 9. Number 9…” It was alright, but it wasn’t as nice as the free washroom tour. OP!


We walked down the block to OCAD. They had a really cool set up there. Free marbles game. Free giant chess game. And extra wacky twister. The person who was in charge was super hyper. I guess you’d need to be like that at 12:30 at night.



Before we lined up for the all ages dance thing, we headed towards a crowd where we heard chants of “Fight! Fight! Fight!” It turns out it was a pillow fight between two women. Comment I heard while ogling errrrrrrrrr watching, some lady said: “Yknow, this isn’t erotic. I’d figure it would be, but it really isn’t!” I for one would have to disagree miss.


Right after that, went to the gay penguin exhibit. It was a story of two gay penguins that were going through a divorce or something. It was held at a swimming pool and it was cool because they had movie clips throughout the facility… cool until we came to the shower area where they showed film some guy singing the next plot in the story in French opera style… naked… with close-ups of him soaping up his effing cock. Alison wanted to check this place out and now I know why.


After going through that, we lined up for the all ages party at the community centre. They had 10 year old djs there, but by the time we got in - sometime after 1:00 I think – they were already gone. Obviously, their parents weren’t as bad as I thought they’d be. What was I thinking that some mom and dad would let their 10 year old stay up until 7 am to DJ for a bunch of art kids??? At any rate, the place was sooooooooooooo crazy! See the pictures? See the balls? What do you think everyone was doing with those? Yup, everyone was throwing them at each other, at the disco balls, at the DJs, at the basketball nets… pretty much everywhere and everywhere. I think it was one of the coolest/funnest things I’ve ever experienced. I think we stayed until after 2:00! Mix in The Flaming Lips’ “Do You Realize?” in the background. (more philosophical bullshit analysis in an up coming post…)










Finally, we headed up to UofT’s Philosphper’s Walk to check out some mist. They flooded the area with some of that mist stuff you’d see in clubs and/or movies. It was cool walking through it except for the fact that it was muddy as the hell and my kicks got dirty.


All in all, a great time. Can’t wait for next year. Oh, and also, art chicks are sooooooo cute! Like whoa! “Oh, you like art too? Me too!”