Wednesday, April 26, 2006

WAR TeamID

by chinwhat at 9:35 PM
See, this is why we’re funny:

I have a program that “randomly” changes my desktop background. I’ve loaded the software with a whole bunch of pictures I really really ♥. When I got home today, I go through my regular routine of turning on my computer so I can check all my emails etc. As my machine boots up, my dad comes into my room to grab some stuff. My computer changed its background to this picture from Christmas2K3:


I notice my dad noticing so I start laughing my ass off! My sister hears me laughing and asks what’s so funny. I leave and go to her room to tell her and she asks what our dad did. Just then, he walked by her room, with a half smile, half smirk, trying to concentrate on his paper and trying to pretend he didn’t see what he just saw. Laugh, oh mercy!

Monday, April 24, 2006

Fuck Pita Nutsy – Osmo’s4Life

by chinwhat at 9:48 PM
Okay, someone today tried to say Pita Nutsy was the shit. You know what? Get this weak as shit out of here, sharmutah! I was so offended, I had to diss her. Sure, I ain’t never been to Pita Nutsy, but I don’t need too. And that’s not the point.

During my lunch break, I was sitting with some folks (that’s right, I got pseudo lunch friends now. What!?) and we were talking about places over in Streetsville. So obviously, I bring up Osmo’s Grill (obviously). Those with half a brain know that Osmo’s is the king when it comes to shwarma. Egyptian style sandwiches? Sold! Italian dishes? Venduto! I mean, really, what’s fucking with Osmo’s? Not much, that’s what! What, you ain’t been? Well, please, allow me to take you! My treat!

This place is so good, I’ve decided that they’re going to cater my wedding (if I get married). Sorry, no open bar. Only open shwarma. And trust me, you’ll quickly get unmad that you have to pay $6.00 for a rye and ginger when you taste the succulence that is Osmo’s shwarma!

Actually, I asked Sam (the owner) if he’s down. He promptly pimped his brother’s skills. He broke out an old photo album of his work. Apparently, Sam’s brother used to work in a hotel in Italy. The photo album had all sorts of pictures from different events with Italian super stars. That was all fine and dandy, but the food, the food looked real nice! I’ve tasted his take on Italian cuisine, and shit is molto buono! Eccellente!!! >does the kiss fingers motion< “Muah!”

That and his son and daughter work there. No comment on his daughter other than to quote my fashion idol CommonSense “you’re a grown man, why for a young girl you’re lusting” >cough< >cough< His son? Funny little man! One exchange was when Sam said to his son that he’d better be at school the next day. The smart ass son muttered under his breath only loud enough for Shaun and I to hear, “well, I can’t go. I was working here, remember?” Needless to say, Shaun and I laughed and gave Sam Jr. props.

Osmo's4Life

Sunday, April 23, 2006

If I Had $500US Burning in My Pocket…

by chinwhat at 9:46 PM
I’d buy a Ghostface Killah doll. Sure this site looks shady as hell, but yo, that’s a GHOSTFACE KILLAH DOLL!!! Comes with REAL 14 karat gold chain and chalice, son! (gold eagle is sold separately) But the thing that sold me is that it actually plays real Ghost lyrics! I can only dream what lines would be spit when I yank on the plastic ring. My nominations:

"And your girl, I might eat her
I'm a lover, not a biter (word up!)
I still catch her for a piece"

"There's supreme fingers all on my dick
Loved the way I sung the Cherells
"Mercy, mercy, son", made 'em cum"

"This the Theodore Unit, mothafucka"

"I gotta fuck something, if not, I'mma fuck my girl
That's what's up, fuck the fight, yo, baby, let's peel"

And my absolute favorite:

"Yo bitch, I fucked ya friend. Yeah you stink ho"

That would be so fucking awsome! >pulls string< "Yo bitch, I fucked ya friend. Yeah you stink ho!" I could listen to that doll say that over and over and over...

"Yo bitch, I fucked ya friend. Yeah you stink ho!"
"Yo bitch, I fucked ya friend. Yeah you stink ho!"
"Yo bitch, I fucked ya friend. Yeah you stink ho!"
"Yo bitch, I fucked ya friend. Yeah you stink ho!"

Friday, April 21, 2006

BEST NEWS EVER??

by chinwhat at 7:32 PM
J.J. ABRAMS
TO DIRECT A KIRK/SPOCK MOVIE!!

No offense TOS fans, but TNG needs a better ending than Nemesis. COME on! I'm here in my $3000 starfleet uniform, COME on!

The new movie will be about Kirk and Spock when they first met back before the original series.

Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman, the old-school "Alias" guys who co-wrote "Mission: Impossible III" with Abrams, are penning the screenplay.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

The New Brown in Town Pt. 2

by chinwhat at 9:31 PM
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

As my man Guru says: “Out with the ex girl. On with the next girl.” This is it. I think I’m really, really in love. For real! Every morning, I wake up and PRAY that I get to see her beautiful smiling face! Sometimes I’m disappointed when I don’t see her, but those times when I DO, Damn Son!

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

BT used to be THE show to watch weekday mornings… until she got knocked up and left for mat leave. No more funky hats and tight baby tees? Where was going to go for my daily does of the brown?

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

I had no choice but to watch the super white washed, PC'd, flavorless (not even no salt&peppa!) Global Morning show. Who fucking watches this shit? Really? Traffic Girl Pooja was the only reason I subjected myself to that torture of a show. Yknow? Sure, Poojy (as she likes me to call her) is really bright! (And we all know how much smarts is a turn on for me, right?) She carries herself extremely well on the tele, but she’s no QueenNalini. YknowwhatI’msayin?

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Sadly, I had to give up on my girl Poojy-Woojy. Since the better half of last year it’s been quite the drought. No more brown lovin in the morning… until recently.

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Thank Kamadeva, someone had the head (and the head) to hire my darling, Aliya-Jasmine Sovani. She’s one of the part time (she should really be taking the main host gig) hosts of MTVLive and she’s fabulous! Brains AND beauty? How could I resist? Well, I can’t! And that’s why this post is dedicated to her, my sweet Aliya! >sigh< Be still, my beating heart...

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥


♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Alexis and Anthony Go On a Date

by chinwhat at 9:40 PM
To see which movie seven times? How about Titanic 2?

Personally, I'd rather see BrokeBackMountain's sequel:

Monday, April 17, 2006

You Know When You’re Old(er) When…

by chinwhat at 9:57 PM
OH SNAP!!! Who remembers these spots!? Sandwiched between random CBC shows? Sometimes they’d show them three or four back-to-back-to-back. Or I remember seeing these in grade school back in Etobicoke.

Does anyone remember a lumberjack one? I *think* it was to a lumberjack song (not the Monty Python one) and it was an animated short on this lumberjack (duh!) who was balancing on this log as it floated down the river. He “had a red and black lumberjack (jacket), with a hat to match” and one of those spear thingys that had a point and a hook at the end. Anyone? (edit: Here it is. Thanks Shaun!!)

These are the fine folks who help bring that short Cat Came Back joint by Cordell Barker a few years ago. I fucking loved that joint!

Ah National Film Board of Canada, who knew you could instill such patriotism with (sometimes) crude, yet visually stunning animations? I should’ve saved this bitch for Canada Day!

This shit is so classic!

WAR stop motion animation
WAR 1978. It was a good year!
WAR Indian (feather) Education

Sunday, April 16, 2006

What I Want My Funeral to Be Like

by chinwhat at 10:33 PM
Went for my third funeral home visit this year (and it’s only April! By the by, to echo sentiments: don’t forget to tell your people how much you love them. Tomorrow’s not guaranteed.) and I know for sure what I want my funeral home/wake thing/last wishes to be like:
- I want a DJ at the funeral home
- There has to be a magician doing some card tricks. Not crappy “Bread & Money” magician tricks, but some David Blaine caliber tricks! I want to hear (from heaven?) people yelling "OH SNAP!!!"
- Some funeral homes have nice pictures of the deceased’s life. I want one easel nice sugar and sweet pictures. The other easel can have punkage pictures. Punkage is a way of life… even after death!
- Sam of “Osmo’s Grill” fame, operating a little shwarma hut in the corner
- Sound board installed by the casket complete with my default sayings. Not sure what they’d be, but that’s where you guys would come in!
- I need to be buried with my vinyl copy of Midnight Mauraders
- And last but not least, final pushing circle from TeamID

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Life, Beautiful Life

by chinwhat at 10:46 PM
You know those moments in life you just love being alive? The way the air fills your lungs. How the sun shines so brightly and warm. The pleasant sounds caught by your ear. I had a moment like that not to long ago. I was driving along and was minding my own business as usual. I came to a stop light and noticed a small four door car next to me, filled with five people in it. All just a bit younger than myself and all laughing hysterically and having a good time! I didn’t know what they were laughing at, but it made me laugh, too. I had this big grin on my face and I tried to keep pace with them, just so I could share their enjoyment. Moments of pure joy, such as that one, don’t come by that often. As they turned off and I continued on my way, it helped me remember and appreciate all the good times I’ve had. So this post is just a little ‘thank you’ to all of you who’ve made me laugh and smile and shared good times for no other reason than being down with me. Thanks all!

Sunday, April 09, 2006

“Peace, see you later!” – The Lie Champion

by chinwhat at 10:22 PM
Or, “NLA. Not Loki Approved”

Yup, that’s right, I’m hanging up the lying. As fun and challenging as it was, it’s time to bid adieu! Y’see, on Friday night during dinner, the topic of conversation was car insurance. Everyone mentioned how much they had to pay and I did the same. Mine was on the higher side compared to everyone else, but good ol’ Cathy had an explination on to why this was the case. “…that’s because you’re still young, when you –“ she began, then stopped abruptly.

I could actually hear her brain computating! She knew I was the same age as everyone else, right? Hmmm... Yet, she must’ve thought, no, she must have believed I was younger. Younger than 25. The age when car insurance rates drop.

Could it be possible? Cathy actually believed I was younger than 25?

Yes, yes it is possible! Why? Because after years and years of hammering everyone who’d listen with my “I’m actually 24 years old” nonsense and crappy stories of “someone from work thinks I’m 22” and YTM stories of me looking younger than my sister (whom I’m older by 5+ years) and “you look like you’re in high school” comments made by random people… it sunk into her brain. Me, being a young 20-something stallion went from idle comment to actual fact.

My lies (and embellishment of lies) have scored yet again! One more for the home team! Add this one to the “Damn, we ran over Chin’s foot! Look, he took his shoe off!” lie.
To the “Chin joined the Army” lie.
To the “Chin is going to LA by himself because he’s mad at ai” lie.
To the “Chin got a cell phone. Let’s call the number. Wait, who’s this angry Chinese man on the phone?” lie.
To the “I’m a foot model” lie.
To the “I’m a guinea pig for a pharma company” lie.

I could add more, but I forgot all of them… Ahhh, what a run. But now, it’s time to move on. Time to start telling the truths. No more half truths or perceived truths. Only truth truths. To quote FatLip from one of my top three songs of all time “The only lying I would do is in the bed with you.”





“It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.” © Homer Simpson

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Race Relations Pt. 1

by chinwhat at 9:42 PM

In honor of the 4th Annual TeamID Race on Saturday, I decided to blog about one of my favorite things that is 1) near and dear to my heart, and 2) fun things to observe at work: interracial coupling/transplantation.

Doing the job I do – Professional Punching Bag – I have the luxury of visiting peoples work stations and getting to know a bit of their private lives through personal mementos at their desks. Pictures of their pets. Pictures of their friends. And pictures of some of their ugly kids. One thing I really get a kick out of is, when I see a small picture of their boy/girlfriend, wife or husband and they’re a different race than they are!

“What? This white guy has a black wife? Reversed out JungleFever?!?! Nooooooooo way!”

“Oh snap! This Chinese brother is married to a brownie and his daughter is HOT!??? Damn, Son!”

“Japanese folks get down and/or kicking it in Peru?!” (btw, there’s a strong representation of these folks at my place of employment! Nice!)

Finding out things like this really make my day! Why? I have no idea. But what I do know, is there’s this white lady upstairs who has a Chinese bf. She’s not my flavor at all, yet I can’t help but give props due to the fact that she’s down with the AsianPersuasion! My Good Morning’s to her have that little extra twinkle!

Anyways, we all know mixed kids are all good looking, but my sister had this excellent observation: pretty much all half Chinese, half white males, look the same. It’s true, think about it…

Supplementary reading: 10 Most Prevalent Interracial Relationships

WAR coloured yet colourless love
WAR cablinasian
WAR one big mud race

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

EuroFags 2K1 Revisited #1

by chinwhat at 10:04 PM
I set up an MSN Group for our European trip from 2001. Unfortunately, I got tired of trying to save it from extinction due to lack of updates, so I decided to go through all the pictures and save some pictures that had me and/or ai in it and/or made me laugh.
*****

On one of our first days of the trip, we had to go to some orientation for the tour. Get us familiarized with each other, let us know what’s going down, the rules etc. So ai and I are there and as the meeting ends, two brown guys from New Jersey, Neil and Purvish, come up to us all nervous like and ask us “hey… , uh, we, uh… you guys, uh, hungry?” Since we already ate and simultaneously showed our antisocial and ‘oh punk (on you)’ cards. We declined their offer. They were kinda chill – except that one dinner in Italy when Purvish was acting really REALLY, gay and winking at me and shit.

Anyways, in this picture, the two of us were trying to break out and get our dinner on before it started to rain. Purvish called out to us to get a picture with them. The funny part is the person taking the picture wanted to squeeze us all in. But ai wasn’t having it. He just held his ground to the right. We all had to move over to him. Laugh, what an asshole you are ai! No wonder no one liked you on that tour! Also, notice how skinny I am? I need to get my hands on Tita Elinita’s 50th Birthday at Mandarin. Cathy, hook me up! Anyways, we were laughing at them afterwards for being really gay. Yes, it was quite mean of us to do, but hey, what're you gonna do?

WAR my 'thugged out' outfit

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

04/04/06

by chinwhat at 6:05 PM

Monday, April 03, 2006

Race Day: Less Than 1 Week

by chinwhat at 9:28 PM
So I went for my annual pre-race run on Saturday. It was alright, except for one thing. The wind. I headed out west along Burnhamthorpe to Mississauga Road. After reaching that point, I headed back east. The problem? I had wind going against me both ways. Both. Ways. It was against me when I was headed west. It was against me when I was headed east. What kind of punkage is this? Damn Running Gods! What can I offer? Tell me who to spite and they shall be spoten!

Anyways, the forecast doesn’t look good. 8° and rain, allegedly. Hopefully it won’t be as busted as last year! Remember that freezing rain? Remember we got the garbage bags we used as extra protection since other runners were rocking them? I hope we don't have to buy those again, oy!

Unfortunately, according to the website, the 8K race has been capped. That means old man Johnny can’t run >insert Jon’s shrug here< and if Maria didn’t register, she’s also unable to run. Ditto w/George and Jen. And Christine and Dave aren’t registered are they? At least The Natty’s in. (Sorry Shaun. op)

Anyways, I’m looking forward to this annual TeamID event. Our fourth one in already? Damn, son! Good luck to all – but more specifically, good luck to the two who’ll be paying for dinner and akahol - which >said in the most humble voice< could very well be myself. I’m in some serious need to drank my ass off!

**Last minute edit: Chris just sprained his ankle from vball and therefore, I removed all arrogance and added humility by the loving spoonful. Karma's a bitch! Trust me, I know (see "Girlfriend Theory 1999/2006")**

WAR fighting prostate cancer
WAR free dinner
WAR free akahol