Tuesday, February 28, 2006

I'm so sick...

by chinwhat at 6:15 p.m.
...that I didn't notice i was wearing my sister's Baby Phat sweat pants. No wonder my butt looked so good in these! >admires self in mirror<

WAR Kimora Lee Simmon designs

Monday, February 27, 2006

System Malfunction

by chinwhat at 9:00 p.m.
*ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzrrrrrrrrrrrrrr* >click< >click< >click< >click< *wwwwrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr* System Malfunction… >cough< >cough<

Monday, February 27, 2006. Marked down on my calendar: For the very first time in my life I ever called in sick to work. Oy, being sick sucks. Too cold, then too hot, then too cold again. There’s something wrong with me. For the last four months or something, I’ve been getting sicker and sicker. I don’t get it, I eat well and exercise. Maybe I have a terminal disease and will die in the next few months. In which case, I leave everything to nobody. I'm burying all my prized possessions with me. No I can't take them with me, but I can prevent yalls from getting your grubby little hands on them! Hmmm… anyways, here are the things I did today. Watched The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. Damn I wish I could stay up long enough to catch theses shows! Enjoyed some good ol’ Jim Rome sandwiched between two naps just like in my unemployment days! Spent a couple hours on www.ratedesi.com rating some brown chicks. Made a bunch of crazy drink concoctions like green tea in cranberry juice and ginger. Watched some Oprah. She had some fashion foot lady on – Jenny Choo or something. Now I appreciate women’s feet when they’re all nice and clean and pretty. But some of these “foot” models had some gigantism big toe going on. And if it wasn’t that, it looked like the shoe size was a bit to small as all the toes were hanging off/grabbing onto the front of the shoe. Wtf is this? Yes, being sick really sucks. But being able to stay home and do nothing is pretty sweet.

WAR The Jungle
WAR rating hot brown chicks a “10”
WAR pretty feet

Saturday, February 25, 2006

Not to Pull a Shaun Sequeira on Y’alls but…

by chinwhat at 9:23 p.m.
… after reading Tuesday’s With Morrie …
… after listening to my Lauren Hill mixtapes …
… after seeing a REALLY old couple walk through Square One together holding hands …
… after reading an interview with Tom Hanks in Reader’s Digest (sadly, this was the best thing to read at Mississauga Valley's gym. Frikkin’ magazines there suck!) …
… after discussions with the lady I car pool in the morning with …
… after reading Cosmo Magazine's December issue (sadly, this was the second best thing to read at the gym. Double Frikk!) …
… after watching A Walk To Remember and Jerry McGuire and GoodWill Hunting, each for the umpteenth time …
… after observing all the happy married people around me ...
… talking with friends and friends of friends …

… I’ve decided that the married life seems pretty good and I’d like to sign up. I've even got a list of music that WILL be played at the reception if I got married. On some: "Sweeter than a kiss on a collar bone" (C) L.Hill

That plus TeamID needs more wedding-age. I can NOT wait till TheDooch and Sara tie the knot this summer… wait, I’m invited, right guys? (If I’m not that’s okay. I didn’t want to celebrate with your cracker asses anyways! Stank ass haters!) TeamID needs more weddings. CathyAl’s was fun. I’m looking through some of the pics I’ve got and here are two of my favorites.

Anyways, this post does contradict my previous one about getting married but so what? KRS-One contradicts himself all the time and people still look up to him, right?

Anyways, Shaun’s right. We’re 27 years old. If we do the fast hook up way, we’re looking at it like this: meet a girl. It’s going to be at least one year before engagement. Add one more year to plan for the wedding. Two years! Two years from now, I’d be 29! And that’s only if it all worked out this way (which it won’t). (Of course, I could do it the quick FilipinoExpress method by knocking up a girl first then getting married before the baby’s born. That’s only a < 9 month turn around time)

Now once all is said and done, I just need the wifey to sign this contract. And although, this does sound a bit drastic, I do NOT want to go to Sudan to find someone (or something) to marry. This just nasty!

WAR friends
WAR contradiction

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Keep It Easy. It's Friday, Baby!

by chinwhat at 7:31 p.m.

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Daily Wisdom - Feb 22, 2006

by chinwhat at 9:01 p.m.
The Daddy, Shaquille O’Neil, on Miami’s semi-disappointing record from ESPN Radio
This goes out to all the gentlemen. It’s not about how you start the date, but how you finish it, sir. A lot of people can start the date with flowers and candy, but if you don’t finish the date… you know what I mean? (laughs)

>tips hat to ShaqDaddy<

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Candy and a Dollar

by chinwhat at 8:14 p.m.
One of our Project Manager’s mother died last week. It was that old lady who was tragically killed when she was trying crossing highway 10 last Monday. After the car hit her, the driver and passenger got out of their car, looked at her and jumped back in and took off. When we found out at work, a lot of people were obviously upset, including myself. You see, our PM is one of the oldest in age in our department and I guess that’s one reason why I – or I should say ‘we’ - see her as the Mother-figure for us. She’s always the one who pays for the birthday person when we take them out for lunch. She’s brought us baked goods for Christmas. Always supportive. Always upbeat and happy. When I first started, she was one of the first people to go out of her way to make me feel welcome. On Saturday, I looked up the directions for the funeral home. It wasn’t a close drive. Just before Unionville. As much of an inconvenience this would be, I knew I had to go. (Lesson learned from Wise ol’ Man Jon: even though you might not want to do a particular thing, you should still do it if it means something for someone else) I make the hour long drive out northeast to the viewing. I saw most of our department there which I thought was great. When we greeted her I couldn’t help this one thought: As much as she may have appreciated it, I never thought a hug could feel so inadequate. I wish I could do more. She was so sad. We stayed for a bit and on our way out I ate the candy that was in that little white envelope. I looked for a convenience store to spend the loonie on. I bought a 649 and figured that if I win, I’ll give some of it to my PM. It’s the least I could do, right?

>My Stomach Hurts<

by chinwhat at 6:29 p.m.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Happy VD!!

by chinwhat at 7:07 p.m.

Happy (Belated) VD!

A couple of us ole boys around the campfire (lunch) on VD and a buddy (who was present at the table), context is self-explanatory, I think.

Topic: pleasing the ladies without premature bust-a-nut.


"It is AMAZING that you referenced >co-worker x<>co-worker y<. We used to have conversations about whether or not he would completely destroy a woman's conch-shell by going too fast. On top of that, could he even pace himself? If she said "slower, >co-worker x<," would he be able to comply? And if he DOES go that fast, and can't help it, is it even physically possible to make HER happy? With his tongue, maybe, but let's be serious here for a second: He obviously went through college with the nickname "Quiky," and that had to hurt his ego just a bit. So much, in fact, that he DOES produce self-induced ejaculations. Well argued point, methinks."

Yes, that's what us dudes talk about ladies, (on VD nonetheless!) you've been warned.

Wreckless Abandon! - March 7th, 2004

by chinwhat at 6:53 p.m.
Hades Lunch Special - $4.99 w/pop

Fuck the slice, we want the pie
why ask why till we fry
watch us all stand in line
for a slice of the devil's pie
drugs and thugs, women and wine
three or four at a time
watch them stand all in line
for a slice of the devils pie

– D'Angelo, “Devil's Pie”

So I'm on the street car and notice this guy standing a few paces down, with a couple piercings on his face and sunglasses. He's wearing a red varsity jacket with a couple of those “iron on” patches on either side of his chest. One of a screaming devil head, the other, a black and silver pentagram. Black cargo pants tucked into the requisite… Doc… Martin… boots…

A devil worshipper! On the red rocket!!! ‘You don't see that everyday' I mention to myself. (And I thought them Satanists were scared of the sun! – no wait, that's Frankensteins…) But the one “accessory” that had my head in a spin: in his left hand, a generic white plastic bag with a take out container in it. Now it wasn't one of those single-old-school-McDonald-burger-clam-shell types. It was the larger ones. The ones that could hold a whole meal. The ones you get when you get a half order of jerk chicken (or curry eggplant), peas and rice and some coleslaw.

I began to wonder: what could be in that? And where did he get it from? Is there a little take out spot around the corner where the city's SatanFans go to chow down? Maybe it's from one of those coach roaches – er, roach coaches. Could it be leftovers from having a Goth themed dinner with his “bride of Satan” girlfriend? Naw, he definitely bought it from somewhere. I could tell. (The white plastic bag hasn't been reused. There weren't any wrinkles in it.)

That and don't them occultists eat bats and rats and pigeons or something? Does this evil café specialize in Devil's Food Cake? Maybe he ordered some Deviled Eggs. O Diablo or Tacos Pecadillo? Or would he go to the other side of the spectrum? (Out of spite of course) What if he preferred Angel Food Cake? He seemed slim (but don't they ALL seem slim?) so he has to be eating the lighter type of fare: Angel Hair Primavera. That's gotta be it! No Heavenly Hash though, to fattening.

What the hell was in that take out container???

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Wreckless Abandon

by chinwhat at 9:01 p.m.
Email forwards aren’t that great. Most are quite shit, if I may say. You get some that are good, fewer that are great and even less that are epic. Sure, pictures of naked blonde chicks are alright (on behalf of Shaun and Chris: "thank you Dr. T!" But ya’lls know that ain’t my flavour!) and wacky animals doing wacky things are kind of funny, but are these really worth my Inbox being over the limit? My favorite forward though, is the Dalai Lama power point slide. It’s just a bunch of alleged Lama quotes which are supposed to be inspirational. Aside from the last slide which asks the reader to forward the attachment to more people to increase life improvement it's enjoyable. (If I don’t forward this, my life only improves slightly? C’mon DL, how you gonna do me like that!?) It’s full of feel good, uh… goodness. My favorite line is the last one: “Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.” If you know me, then you know why. In fact, I enjoyed this saying so much, I used it as my writing name on the old ohpunk website. I’m going to re-post some old stuff I wrote back then. I’m kind of in a slump right now (who’s wants to slump bust for me?) and my creative juices are on a negatory. Nothing really excites me right now and I find everything quite boring. I think I need to pull a Chappelle and go back to the motherland: Afri-errrrrrrrrr The Philippines. Hopefully, between my old posts and ai throwing something up, ya’ll will still be entertained until I get some mojo back and post some new stuff.

Waiting on some “How Chin Got His Groove Back.” - nihc

Monday, February 13, 2006

Happy Valentine’s Day!

by chinwhat at 10:26 p.m.
Yes, it’s that time of year again! My favorite holiday which I never seem to fit into, but decide to celebrate anyways: Valentine’s Day. To me, it’s just like Chinese New Years. No, I’m not Chinese, but I’ll be happy to take those little red envelopes with that loonie in it! I’ve never had an SO during Valentine’s Day, (even though this year, I was this >< close. Ah well, maybe next year!) I still appreciate the meaning of this day. I enjoy seeing folks happy and in love. What can I say? I’m a mushy kind of guy (which is not to be confused with mush mouth… although, I do mumble and slurr my words far too much…) I even wanted to get my cousin JJ to trim a little heart on the back of my head! Anyways, I’m all ready for tomorrow! >rubs hands together< For work, I’ve got those little red strawberry marshmallows (although I really wanted the little candy hearts with the sayings on them) and red and white Hershey Kisses to put on my desk. But the piece de la resistance: I’m breaking out that outfit I wore to Casa Loma when I went with Cathy and Shaun back in 2K3 (or was it 2K2?). That’s right bitches, the red tie is coming out! Anyways, today is made for love, so I’d just like to say that I love all of yalls, even though I really hate all your guts.


Hopeless(ly) Romantic

Sunday, February 12, 2006

(P)RC Sp(O)nsored (T)ables of (L)(U)n(C)hy (K)nowledge

by chinwhat at 3:32 p.m.
On Friday lunch, I sat at one of the bigger tables with a couple of the guys from some other department. About fifteen minutes in, the chemists from all the labs came in and started laying bowls and bowls of food all over the place. Pot luck! I’d say a good 90% of the chemists are Chinese, so they all brought Chinese food, naturally. As I sat there with my crappy mesclun greens and crappy chicken salad sandwich, I watched with envy as they all laughed while picking at the bowls. Me, working the position I’m in, was lucky enough to know a lot of them and they kept prompting me to try some. And boy, did I! I wrapped up what was left of my chicken sandwich and grabbed some food. This was the realest Chinese food I’ve ever had! No chicken balls here son! Later on that afternoon, I reached home and tossed my half eaten sandwich into the garbage. Then I felt really guilty. There are people in the world that would kill for that! So I opened up the garbage lid again and picked out my *STILL WRAPPED* sandwich. As I ate the room temperature mix of mayo and chicken on a bun, I started to laugh after thinking about George Costanza eating that éclair he plucked out of the trash. Laugh, I suck!

And speaking of food, favorite Friday quote goes to Cathy. Somehow we started talking about what she eats when her husband’s away on business and she drops: “(when he’s away) I eat cake for dinner!” Laugh! All I could picture was her diving into a cake with a big spoon and pasta fork/ladle a la Bill Cosby.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

THE Hottest Shit I’ve Ever Seen In My Life!

by chinwhat at 6:43 p.m.

Research update.

Put on those headphones.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

The 2nd Hottest Shit I’ve Ever Seen In My Life!

by chinwhat at 6:28 p.m.
If you don’t dig this, I don’t know what to say!

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Chin’s Book Club

by chinwhat at 8:02 p.m.
To quote Chris Rock: “The best book I’ve ever read – and I can’t read!” Okay, so I can read (but with a grade 2 comprehension level) and I technically haven’t finished this book, >shrug< but I already endorse Tuesday’s With Morrie. Cathy let me borrow this on Sunday and I’m pretty hooked on it. It’s got hot lines, it’s an easy read, and it was also made into a movie which, to me, looks like a comedy. C’mon, Hank Azaria? Jack Lemon – which I also equate to Ving Rhames crying at the Golden Globes that one year. That was pretty funny as it was sweet. “Hahahaha, look at Marsellus Wallus crying!” (and yes, I realize he could kick my ass 63 times over) What was I talking about again? - Yeah, I like this book. So much so, I’ve temporarily but my daily Sudoku lunch sessions on hold. But you don’t have to take my word for it! >cue reading rainbow jingle<

James Cameron ENJOYED Alien vs Predator?

by chinwhat at 7:59 p.m.

In an ironic way or in a rubber-neck-a-car-accident sort of way?

An overpowering, collective fanboy wail will soon be heard in the distance.

Anyhoo, the king of the world is allegedly going to announce his next project in March for release summer 2007 "Project 808" (rumoured to be the long in development hell "Avatar") and no MATT "I'm the smartest kid in the school and I'm the janitor" DAMON and BEN "How do you like them apples" AFFLECK are not involved.

Al's steakhouse in Ottawa gets 4 Chin's out of 5 Chin's.

ps and memo - fuck you lil lex SHITTYCUNTHOLE. We don't serve your kind here.

Be as you were.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Supper Bowl

by chinwhat at 9:53 p.m.
Why didn’t we get the American commercials this year? Boo-urns, I say! Ah well, I had Al’s Wired mag to keep me entertained. Thanks for hosting it again Torrenos! And thanks for the non-beach-Cali-diet approved grub! Dinner was delish! Mmmmmmmmmmm, flavoured tofu!

Who cares about that anyways, tonight’s Smallville was off the chain, son! What? Clark told Lana about his secret and proposed to her? Oh snap! And she said yes?! Oh snap! But then she gets caught up in an accident and dies? Oh snap!!! No wait, Clark pulls a Groundhog Day and prevents that from happening. Instead, Pa Kent bites the dust? Ooooooooooh Snap!!!

WAR Tofu

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Weakend: Saturday

by chinwhat at 4:47 p.m.
This past Saturday was one of the most boringest I’ve had in a long ass time.

Saw that episode of The Simpsons where Milhouse gets that girlfriend. There was a part in it that I used to find really funny, but now, I find it… uh, a little less funny: when Milhouse is all sad because he can’t see his girl no more. He’s at school standing on the jungle gym when Ralph and some other kid say “There stands a broken man. It’s recess everywhere but in his heart.” Aw, that’s still pretty funny… ha ha ha ha… uugghhhhhhh!

Saturday I went to SquareOne with my sister to run some errands. As we were leaving out of The Bay’s exit, I was telling Beth a story and from behind I heard someone say “I only know one person who speaks like that!” I knew instantly that, that voice was talking about me and my voice. I turned around and it was Charlene from high school. After hellos and goodbyes, both my sister and I thought it was quite amusing how we don’t notice my mono-tone-ness (duh!) and how other people do. If I was a teacher, I’d be that one where the students would freak out on after class because I always talk the same. “That just the way that I talk, yo!” © Big L

Stayed home at night. The folks went out to some bday party. Beth went out to play some poker. That left me home solo. The perfect opportunity to do something constructive right? Nope. I just veged out in front of the television. First I watched Prince’s concert film Sign O the Times. Who knew Sheila E could look so sexy going at it on the drums? Chased that DVD with the Pam Anderson roast on Comedy. I’ve always wanted to see a roast, but never got a chance to see one. They’re pretty funny. It’s just a couple of hours where they diss who ever was there. All the jokes were pretty standard: Andy Dick’s a homo, Sarah Silverman (who I think is such a doll) is a slut, Bea Arthur is a man, Jimmy Kimmel’s show sucks and should get cancelled, Courtney Love’s a drugged up whore, Pam’s got big tits and a bigger vagina all because Tommy’s got a huge schlong. All in all, very low brow and mildly entertaining. Favorite joke from misc comic: I wouldn’t fuck Bea Arthur’s dick with Andy Dick’s pussy. >rim shot<

Thursday, February 02, 2006

How Your Favorite Blog Just Got Better!

by chinwhat at 8:49 p.m.
Believe it true believers! As if my blog couldn’t get any better, this piece here now houses the comments of my better half: Anthony “A.I. – His hate is real, but he is not” Irving (aka social casualty). Want more Vitology updates? They’re right here, bitches!

FYI: that's our pic from our honeymoo- errrrrrrrrrr EuroTrip2K1 at Buckingham Palace. Gosh i miss my hair! >sigh<

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

I Heart, Nay, Love Chin

by chinwhat at 8:49 p.m.

Thank you and welcome to the club.

If the garbage is full, please take it out.

The handle on the toilet sticks a little - you have to jiggle it.

Help yourself to the beers in the fridge.

Joyeux Anniversaire Halison!

by chinwhat at 8:28 p.m.
So what wacky adventure do we get to do for your birthday this year Gwy Lo? I personally enjoyed the Hip Hop dance class from two years ago. I only wish we could dance like this guy. And since it's your birthday, I'll play nice and post your most uninteresting blog here. Once and only once. Happy Birthday!

I watched an episode of The Simpsons from the fifth last night. It was the episode where Skinner gets fired. The best joke from that episode:[on the phone] I know Weinstein's parents were upset, uh, superintendent, but, but -- but I was *sure* it was a phony excuse. I mean, it sounds so made up: "yom kip pur". [laughs sheepishly]

That shit is funny on so many levels!