Sunday, April 09, 2006

“Peace, see you later!” – The Lie Champion

by chinwhat at 10:22 p.m.
Or, “NLA. Not Loki Approved”

Yup, that’s right, I’m hanging up the lying. As fun and challenging as it was, it’s time to bid adieu! Y’see, on Friday night during dinner, the topic of conversation was car insurance. Everyone mentioned how much they had to pay and I did the same. Mine was on the higher side compared to everyone else, but good ol’ Cathy had an explination on to why this was the case. “…that’s because you’re still young, when you –“ she began, then stopped abruptly.

I could actually hear her brain computating! She knew I was the same age as everyone else, right? Hmmm... Yet, she must’ve thought, no, she must have believed I was younger. Younger than 25. The age when car insurance rates drop.

Could it be possible? Cathy actually believed I was younger than 25?

Yes, yes it is possible! Why? Because after years and years of hammering everyone who’d listen with my “I’m actually 24 years old” nonsense and crappy stories of “someone from work thinks I’m 22” and YTM stories of me looking younger than my sister (whom I’m older by 5+ years) and “you look like you’re in high school” comments made by random people… it sunk into her brain. Me, being a young 20-something stallion went from idle comment to actual fact.

My lies (and embellishment of lies) have scored yet again! One more for the home team! Add this one to the “Damn, we ran over Chin’s foot! Look, he took his shoe off!” lie.
To the “Chin joined the Army” lie.
To the “Chin is going to LA by himself because he’s mad at ai” lie.
To the “Chin got a cell phone. Let’s call the number. Wait, who’s this angry Chinese man on the phone?” lie.
To the “I’m a foot model” lie.
To the “I’m a guinea pig for a pharma company” lie.

I could add more, but I forgot all of them… Ahhh, what a run. But now, it’s time to move on. Time to start telling the truths. No more half truths or perceived truths. Only truth truths. To quote FatLip from one of my top three songs of all time “The only lying I would do is in the bed with you.”

“It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.” © Homer Simpson


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