Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Tee, Chip, Put, Drive. Repeat. x18

by chinwhat at 9:44 p.m.
The big Saturday came and it was time to head on over to Burlington for the annual golf tournament. For antics (of course), I decided to dress ‘golfy.’ A golf shirt, my plaid trousers and hat to match! (The line used throughout the day when given props for my attire: “Thanks! I need to look like I at least know HOW to golf right? The points I miss on the course, I get in style.” Zing!)

So I make my way there and this place was pretty much in the middle of no where – much like other golf courses I’d imagine. When I get there, I check in with the HR ladies and they introduce me to half of my team. The director reminds me of really thin and pale version of Cameron Frye (), Ferris Bueller’s friend, but with less ‘80’s’ style hair, yet still very “poindexterish.” The other guy – who I thought was Jamaican based on his name (Marlon) turned out to be a Flip fob. He pretty much sucked ass all day.

I strap my golf clubs that my uncle handed down to me to the back of our cart. I checked everyone else’s club sets out and damn mine were busted, poor boy style! Folks strolling up there with CG bags with the bi-pod legs, the matching umbrella, the holder for water, golf club covers etc.

I take a seat in one of our carts and just wait for Ms. X to come by. She does and introduces herself… she doesn’t remember me… and I don’t recall her being so pleasant. Must be her charming English accent!

It’s our team’s turn and I’m second to hit. First is the fob whose shot was pretty terrible; two fans followed by a dribbler that rolls over a hill forty meters away. I’m next. Pretty nervous since there’s lots of folks watching: my team, the course warden (whose job is to make sure teams keep moving and confiscate illegally brought akahol), the next team after us, HR ladies and random people. Concentrating helped me fan lovely on the first swing! My second attempt shot the ball just past the women’s tee… which is ten yards down. Oy!! The director must’ve been pissed (I know I would’ve). At least I didn’t shank the ball to the left where a lot of cars were parked. If I hit one of those, THAT would’ve been embarrassing!

On our way to the third course, Ms. X (whom I’m riding in the cart with the ‘hole’ day… get it? “Hole”? Golf?... >cough< >cough<) asks me what department I worked for. After I told her, she did a double take/The Rock eyebrow cock/ head tilt; “were you the one I yelled at that one day a month or so ago?” I reply weakly “Uh… yeah…” She laughs, then apologizes. She said she had a rough day and didn’t mean it. She went on to tell a story how she felt bad as she mentioned what she did to my director/co worker. It was pretty funny. In fact, she met one of her co-workers along the way and introduced me as “that poor chap who I yelled at” to which she replied “you should do something to her” which is pretty funny because at the 13th hole I almost hit her in the face with the ball. The men’s tee was a bit elevated and I parked our cart between our tee and the women’s tee along the path. Ms. X was fixing her clubs as I swung. The ball went sharp left and was literally [..........................] this close from her face! If it hit her, she’d be down for sure! Out! Done! DONE!!! I felt soooooo bad! I apologized, but she said “don’t say ‘sorry’, nothing happened” Phew! I’d have to quit out of embarrassment! Instead, we just laughed it up and added it up to chapter 2 in our Ms. X vs. Chin battle.

As for the golf, we didn’t win. I did pretty shitty. But did do good once I got a beer in me, but as the day wore on, I began to crap out. After about thirteen, fourteen holes, I pretty much had enough. In theory, I could see why people like it… in theory… But driving the golf carts is good times! Shits fun, yo! I really wish I had cooler people on my team that was my age (ie. 21) - there was about a 20% YTM representation that day - because I caught myself "corporate laughing" at a lot of shitty moments. And yes, I felt really really dirty.

Random observation:
- hot white girls that old white men (and Shaun and Chris) would appreciate. Short shorts? I see you ladies working! Work for them tips!

Tomorrow: The prize count


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