I’m Gonna Tear the Roof Off This Mutha!!!

Saturday night, I’m cleaning my room. Seeing as I neglected my shell toes for far too long, I decide to clean up my kicks as well. After a good scrub down, I feel that the laces need a good switch up from the standard whites they currently rock. I figure I’d either go for the straight thick black or the red & black combo. Either way, I’ll need to get my black pair out of my box of laces. Thing is there was only a single black one in there.

Flash back to a couple of months when I remember seeing the loose lace hanging from the shelf. I remember thinking at the time “meh, I’ll put away later” Big mistake, cuz now, I can’t find that shit. And it’s driving me nuts! I knew I should’ve just put the black lace in the box with the others. It’s sorta like back in the day when I made a meal, and was trying to balance like three hot dishes and a full glass of milk to the family room so I could watch some Pasquale’s Kitchen Express. I knew I should really make two trips, but instead, I decide to Bravestar it and try to do it all in one shot. The thing is I fuck up and spill the glass of milk and/or drop some food and/or break some dishes. FUCK!

Off to tangent number 2: Now this kinda reminds me of this WikiHowTo where they were allegedly showing how to lace your shoe the “straight lace” method (scroll down about half way). When I read this, I had to let out a big “OH GAWD!” © Shaun. I think I got more mad than when Al got pwnd by John in poker (op). There are three things wrong with this fucking instruction:

1) He’s telling you to use one long lace and zig zag it through all the holes. Is he fucking retarded? That shit is ugly! You can see where the lace crosses under the top laces! Instead of zig zagging, you’re supposed to hide the progression of the lace so only the parallel laces are seen.
2) The laces aren’t fat. You’re trying cover up as much of the tongue as possible if you’re going straight.
3) Shits ugly as the hell! Who’s shoes are they? A strung out Punky Brewster?*

A LOT of people need to step their shoe game up! Think I don’t notice your laces going all whichever way? No continuity? Fuck, I’m embarrassed for you!

WAR shoe snob

*who some think is kinda hot now (for a white woman). But not me….